Ugly Office Sweaters

Just like everyone else, Ugly Office Sweaters is now on Facebook. So, be sure to fan us to get the latest updates and Ugly Office Sweater news.

Reader “Edward” alerted us to this photograph of recently ousted Detroit Lions president and GM Matt Millen’s ugly sweater. While Millen’s sweater is ugly (indeed, even the photo caption points out that “This sweater was just the beginning of the bad memories of the Matt Millen era in Detroit.”) it’s not really an ugly office sweater. What we mean by that is that Matt Millen, God love him, actually showed up to the Detroit Lions complex wearing that monstrosity. A true ugly office sweater is a garment that stays at your desk and covers up an otherwise attractive (or at least acceptable) outfit. What we’ve got here, on the other hand, is a great example of the Bill Cosby sweater.

Bill Cosby sweaters are yet another highly-celebrated subset of your basic ugly sweater. In fact, there’s even a National Cosby Sweater Day, so mark your calendars for January 20, 2009. By the way, “Cosby” sweaters are actually super pricey duds from a company called Coogi. They’ll set you back just under $400.

So, we still want to see your ugly office sweaters. Submit your sweaters and stories today! Oh, and when do you think we should celebrate National Ugly Office Sweater Day? Let’s see some suggestions in the comments!

Since launching this site, we’ve been swamped with questions about ugly office sweaters. After sifting through our mailbox, here are some answers to your most pressing questions.

Q. Do men wear ugly office sweaters?
A. Of course they do. Even the manliest man gets cold in the middle of an AC/Deep Freeze. The anatomy of a man’s ugly office sweater really doesn’t deviate much from the standard. Since men tend to wear fewer layers than women today, their sweaters don’t need to be as oversized, but that’s really the only difference.

Q. Why does an office sweater have to be so ugly?
A. It doesn’t. You don’t have to take “ugly” quite so literally. The idea here is to celebrate that sweater you’re willing to just keep in a desk drawer or slung over your chair. We just figure that if your office sweater is too cute, someone will steal it or you’ll be tempted to take it home and actually wash it or something.

Q. How does one acquire an ugly office sweater?
A. Ideally, ugly office sweaters just kind of fall into your lap, like true love in a romantic comedy. If that hasn’t happened to you yet, then you may just have to get out there and gasp, buy one. Local thrift stores should have plenty of ugly office sweaters that shouldn’t cost you more than $5.

Q. Are ugly office sweaters the same as ugly Christmas sweaters or Bill Cosby sweaters?
A. Absolutely not. While the aforementioned sweaters are indeed ugly, they’re not quite what we have in mind for this site. A true ugly office sweater is something you put on over your work outfit, not something you actually show up to the office in.

Now that you’ve got some answers, how about sharing your ugly office sweaters and stories with us today. Send us an email with a picture of your sweater and the awesome story “behind the thread”.

Some of you may not be familiar with what, exactly, an Ugly Office Sweater is. Many of you probably know about tacky Christmas sweaters, but the Ugly Office Sweater is a different breed entirely - with a range of features that make the sweater both functional and unattractive:

1. First, the best Ugly Office Sweaters are actually cardigans or hoodies. This way, you can easily slip them on while still giving a hint of your original attractive (but not so cozy) outfit.

2. Second, your Ugly Office Sweater needs to be hugely oversized so as to easily fit over many layers. In fact, as the ready-to-wear trends toward layering have increased so has the average size of the Ugly Office Sweater. In fact, many women find that they now need to shop in the men’s department to find an adequately gross garment.

3. Third, Ugly Office Sweaters should be neutral. This way they can “match” most of your work clothes. Yes, it is ironic that even ugly clothes need to match, but hey, I don’t make the rules, I just document them.

4. Speaking of which, the ideal Ugly Office Sweater should have a shawl collar. I can’t explain why. Maybe it’s because the shawl collar imparts the wearer with a certain Mr. Rogersesque comfort or perhaps it’s because it’s a common feature of men’s sweaters.

5. Finally, you shouldn’t actually buy an Ugly Office Sweater. You should inherit an Ugly Office Sweater. Get one from a departing coworker, steal it from your boyfriend or simply use the company swag - whatever the case, what’s important is that you didn’t spend a lot (or any) money on your sweater and that it comes with a good story. It takes courage to wear your Ugly Office Sweater with pride, but it’ll be easier if you’re armed with a great story.

With that I present to you the perfect Ugly Office Sweater:

Wow - can you believe it? It’s a gray (neutral!) men’s zip-up shawl collared cardigan. Not only that, I inherited this sweater from my former coworker Jody, who inherited from a friend, who stole it from a boy who was at one time incarcerated in Michigan for meth production.

Beat that! No seriously, beat that. Send us your sweaters and stories today!

Welcome to Ugly Office Sweaters. What’s an ugly office sweater, you ask? Oh dear…

While ugly office sweaters have been in existence since the invention of air conditioning, they’ve only recently gotten the publicity and respect they deserve as a true fashion statement.

In the coming weeks and months on this site we’ll help define and celebrate the ugly office sweater. And, we’ll look to our readers for their stories, examples and suggestions.

So, stay tuned, stay classy and stay warm, office dwellers of America!